Barbara Bowman (she/her)

Barbara joined Momma on August 18, 2025 for a live Q&A via Twitch and YouTube to talk about Death Positivity, Grief & Funerals

About Barbara

Barbara is a deeply compassionate author and speaker whose work on modern grief has been shaped by a lifetime of profound personal loss and a calling to help others feel seen, heard and less alone in the midst of it.  With grace and honesty, she offers guidance through the quiet discomfort so many of us feel around death and grief. Helping people find the right words, meaningful ways to show up, and simply be present when someone is hurting. Her Inside is tender, timely and filled with hard-earned wisdom.

Barbara has experienced more funerals than anyone should, having helped plan and participate in the memorials of friends, family members, and even her son. Through years of hearing countless stories about funeral faux pas and awkward situations, Barbara recognized a pressing need for a guide that blends humor with sensitivity. What Not to Do at Funerals, a fun, punchy guide that offers simple, practical advice to help people navigate the often uncomfortable and challenging moments that arise during these times. With a mix of lighthearted humor and genuine care, Barbara aims to make readers feel a little more at ease when dealing with life’s most difficult moments—and help them avoid the missteps that can leave a lasting impression for all the wrong reasons.

Socials / Links for Guest Connection

• Website - https://bowheart.com/

• What NOT To Do At Funerals Book - https://www.amazon.com/What-NOT-Do-Funerals-embarrassment-ebook/dp/B0DXDFDJMT/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?sr=8-1 

References / Things Mentioned During the Stream

• Movie Recommendations:

  • Constantine

  • Guardians of the Galaxy

  • LaLaLand

  • Lincoln

• Favorite Poem(s) - Robert Frost

Episode Summary

This episode is for anyone who's ever stood awkwardly at a funeral wondering what to say, anyone supporting a grieving friend, or anyone who wants to show up better for the people they care about when life gets hard.

Key Takeaways

• Humor can be a healing tool in grief.

• Grief is unique to each individual and their relationship with the deceased.

• It's important to talk about death openly to normalize the conversation.

• Empathy and support are crucial for those who are grieving.

• Mistakes in grief are common; it's important to own them and learn from them.

• You can make a positive impact by simply being present for someone who is grieving.

• Generational differences affect how we approach and discuss grief.

• The COVID-19 pandemic radically changed how we view and handle death and funerals.

• Compliments and small acts of kindness can significantly uplift others.

• Life is precious, and we should cherish our relationships.

Barbara Bowman has lived through more loss than most people can imagine. Through those experiences she's witnessed both the beautiful and the cringe-worthy ways people respond to death and grief. Her book "What Not To Do At Funerals: A Newbie's Guide To Death" tackles the awkwardness head-on with humor and practical advice.

Working in a med spa gave Barbara a front-row seat to grief complaints. After hearing countless stories about funeral mishaps and people not knowing what to do, she realized there was a gap. Nothing out there offered quick, punchy guidance for navigating these situations. So she wrote a 60-page guide you could literally download on your way to a funeral.

The biggest takeaway? Grief is unique to each person and each relationship. Losing a grandparent as a kid is vastly different from losing a spouse or child as an adult. The depth of grief correlates with the hopes and dreams wrapped up in that relationship. When someone tells you they understand your pain because their grandmother died, they might not realize they're minimizing something much heavier.

Barbara emphasizes that funerals aren't about you. They're about honoring the deceased and supporting the grievers. Show up. Don't be late. Dress like you're going to a job interview. No selfies. No asking how they died. And for the love of everything, don't compare your grief to theirs or tell them they should have gone to your doctor.

The conversation highlighted how COVID changed everything. For several years people couldn't gather for funerals and that created a new normal where not showing up became acceptable. But people remember who shows up and they definitely remember who doesn't.

One of the most powerful points: never be afraid to say the name of someone who died. Grieving people want to talk about their loved ones. If mentioning someone's name makes them cry it's because they loved that person and they'll appreciate those tears.

Barbara stresses that showing up is just the beginning. The real impact happens after the funeral when everyone else has moved on. Offer to drive someone to the airport at 3am. Bring food. Check in weeks later when the shock has worn off and the emotional tidal wave hits. Small gestures create lasting bonds.

As for what to say? Keep it simple. Share a memory. Tell them you're thinking of them. Admit you don't know what to do but you want to help. That honesty beats awkward silence every time.

The discussion also touched on balance and self-care. Barbara celebrates small progress instead of waiting for big milestones. Wrote one page instead of three? Celebrate it. Set everything up to write but didn't actually write? That's still progress.

Her teaching background shines through in her approach. She wants to give people tools and confidence to handle these situations without the sweaty palms and stress. Death is universal. We're all going to experience it. Having a quick reference guide removes the guesswork and helps people show up as their best selves when life hands us one of its hardest goodbyes.

Because at the end of the day grief is about connection and so is supporting someone through it.