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Mia joined Momma on February 3, 2025 for a live Q&A via Twitch and YouTube to talk about Surviving Narcissistic Abuse
About Mia
Mia Hanks is a survivor of narcissistic abuse. She was married to a covert narcissist for 29 years, and she is the author of the award winning memoir, Bride-Made. Mia is hoping that her story can help raise awareness about narcissism and help other victims find their voices.
Socials / Links for Guest Connection
Website - https://miajhanks.com/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/npd.andme/
TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@npdandme
References / Things Mentioned During the Stream
True Crime Fascinations: JonBenét Ramsey & The Springfield Three
What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder? & Narcissistic personality disorder
Favorite Poems: The Raven by Edgar Allen Poe & The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost
Life Hack: Packing Cubes
Episode Summary
If you've ever questioned your reality in a relationship, felt drained by someone who constantly twists the truth, or are trying to rebuild after emotional abuse, this episode is for you.
Key Takeaways
Surviving narcissistic abuse is a complex journey.
Covert narcissism is often hidden behind a mask of empathy.
Victims may feel trapped and unable to leave abusive relationships.
It's essential to differentiate between narcissistic traits and true narcissism.
Narcissism tends to worsen over time, not improve.
Self-preservation is vital for mental and physical health.
Narcissistic abuse can severely impact self-identity and self-esteem.
Rebuilding after leaving an abusive relationship takes time and patience.
Isolation is a common tactic used by narcissists to control their victims.
Friends and family should offer support without judgment.
Mental health issues are complex and not easily understood by outsiders.
In this powerful episode, MommaFoxFire sits down with Mia Hanks to talk about surviving narcissistic abuse - what it looks like, how it feels and what it takes to heal. Mia speaks openly and honestly about her personal experiences with a narcissistic partner, sharing how she slowly came to recognize the manipulation and emotional damage happening behind the scenes.
She explains that narcissistic abuse isn’t always loud or violent. Often, it’s subtle - a slow erosion of confidence, constant gaslighting, and the shifting of blame. Mia describes how she started feeling like she was going crazy, questioning her own memory, instincts, and sense of reality. Over time, she realized this wasn’t just a “difficult relationship” - it was emotional abuse masked as love and care.
One of the biggest challenges Mia talks about is identifying the abuse for what it was. Narcissists are often charming and skilled at keeping up appearances, especially in front of others. She describes how friends and family didn’t always see the red flags, and how isolating that was. It made it harder to trust herself and even harder to leave. But she emphasizes how important it is to trust your gut when something feels off, even if no one else sees it.
The conversation shifts into the healing process - a journey that, for Mia, took time, support and a lot of unlearning. She talks about how therapy helped her recognize patterns, build boundaries and start reconnecting with who she was before the abuse. Rebuilding her confidence and sense of identity was key. She shares that survivors often carry shame or guilt, wondering how they “let it happen,” but she pushes back on that — reminding listeners that narcissistic abuse is calculated, and anyone can fall victim to it.
Mia also talks about the role of self-compassion in healing. She had to stop beating herself up for staying too long or not seeing the signs sooner. She highlights the value of community - finding people who understand, whether that’s friends, a therapist or support groups. The isolation starts to lift when you realize you’re not alone.
Throughout the episode, Mia keeps it real. She doesn’t sugarcoat how tough it was, but she also makes it clear that healing is possible. She’s living proof. Her story is full of raw honesty, hard-won insights and hope for anyone still stuck in the fog of a toxic relationship.
By the end, listeners walk away with a better understanding of narcissistic abuse, clear signs to watch for, and a reminder that surviving isn’t just about getting out - it’s about reclaiming your power, your peace and your sense of self.
The Road Not Taken
By Robert Frost
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
The Raven
By Edgar Allan Poe
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore—
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
“’Tis some visitor,” I muttered, “tapping at my chamber door—
Only this and nothing more.”
Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December;
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow;—vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow—sorrow for the lost Lenore—
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore—
Nameless here for evermore.
And the silken, sad, uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me—filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
“’Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door—
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door;—
This it is and nothing more.”
Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
“Sir,” said I, “or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you”—here I opened wide the door;—
Darkness there and nothing more.
Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, “Lenore?”
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, “Lenore!”—
Merely this and nothing more.
Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
“Surely,” said I, “surely that is something at my window lattice;
Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore—
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore;—
’Tis the wind and nothing more!”
Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately Raven of the saintly days of yore;
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door—
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door—
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.
Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
“Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,” I said, “art sure no craven,
Ghastly grim and ancient Raven wandering from the Nightly shore—
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night’s Plutonian shore!”
Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.”
Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning—little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door—
Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as “Nevermore.”
But the Raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing farther then he uttered—not a feather then he fluttered—
Till I scarcely more than muttered “Other friends have flown before—
On the morrow he will leave me, as my Hopes have flown before.”
Then the bird said “Nevermore.”
Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
“Doubtless,” said I, “what it utters is its only stock and store
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful Disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore—
Till the dirges of his Hope that melancholy burden bore
Of ‘Never—nevermore’.”
But the Raven still beguiling all my fancy into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird, and bust and door;
Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore—
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking “Nevermore.”
This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom’s core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion’s velvet lining that the lamp-light gloated o’er,
But whose velvet-violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o’er,
She shall press, ah, nevermore!
Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by Seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.
“Wretch,” I cried, “thy God hath lent thee—by these angels he hath sent thee
Respite—respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore;
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!”
Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.”
“Prophet!” said I, “thing of evil!—prophet still, if bird or devil!—
Whether Tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted—
On this home by Horror haunted—tell me truly, I implore—
Is there—is there balm in Gilead?—tell me—tell me, I implore!”
Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.”
“Prophet!” said I, “thing of evil!—prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us—by that God we both adore—
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore—
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore.”
Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.”
“Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!” I shrieked, upstarting—
“Get thee back into the tempest and the Night’s Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken!—quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!”
Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.”
And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon’s that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o’er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted—nevermore!