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VictoriaWaye joined Momma on July 27, 2020 for a live Q&A via Twitch and YouTube to talk about Grief & Loss
About VictoriaWaye
VictoriaWaye is a writer and content creator whose work is rooted in lived experience with grief, loss and resilience. As a child, she lost both of her parents suddenly, an event that shaped her understanding of trauma and the ways the mind protects itself. Much of that time remains fragmented in her memory, a mix of absence and guarded recall that she has learned to both question and accept.
In the years that followed, Victoria and her sister processed the loss in very different ways. While Victoria openly grieved, her sister struggled deeply and blamed Victoria for their parents’ deaths, a burden that compounded the pain of an already devastating loss. The family members they lived with offered little compassion, urging her to move on and dismissing her parents by focusing on their flaws rather than their humanity.
These experiences became the foundation for Victoria’s purpose. She creates content to be a light for others who feel isolated in their pain, reminding them they are not alone and that survival is possible even when circumstances feel unbearable. She believes that while our past shapes us, it only defines our future if we allow it to.
Victoria also explores grief beyond death. In her article Grieving and the Loss of Self, she writes about mourning missed opportunities, lost relationships and former versions of ourselves. She reflects on how growth requires acknowledging who we once were and finding the courage to let that version go. Through her work, Victoria invites others to face grief honestly so they can fully accept and embrace who they are becoming.
Episode Summary
This episode is for anyone who's ever felt like they're not allowed to grieve because someone else has it worse, or who's struggling to let go of the person they used to be.
VictoriaWaye started streaming Minecraft on a dare from a friend and built a following around the simple message: it's okay to be a dork. But her journey took her somewhere deeper when she realized she had something more meaningful to share.
Victoria lost both her parents when she was nine years old. The grief hit her immediately and hard. She cried through their funeral and even sang at the service. Her younger sister had a completely different reaction. She sat stone-faced and seemed unaffected. Years later that suppressed grief erupted into self-harm and suicide attempts. The sisters handled the same loss in totally opposite ways and it drove them apart for years.
What made things harder was that Victoria's aunts told her to "close the book" just three months after her parents died. At nine years old she was expected to get over it and move on. She wasn't allowed to grieve so she channeled everything into roller skating nine hours a week. The processing she needed got buried under activity and expectations.
Victoria's sister eventually studied psychology and became a nurse. She apologized for blaming Victoria and transformed her pain into a drive to help others. Now, their relationship is not perfect, but they've rebuilt something real.
Victoria's work now focuses on a truth most people don't talk about: grief comes in many forms. Yes... we grieve death... but we also grieve lost jobs, ended relationships, missed opportunities and versions of ourselves we used to be. She talks openly about mourning the person she was at 19 when everything felt easier and her sense of style was "on fleek." Learning to let go of past versions of yourself is its own kind of loss.
One thing Victoria emphasizes is the danger of comparative suffering. People tell themselves they're not allowed to feel bad because someone else has it worse. But grief doesn't work that way. You can't only be happy when you're the happiest person alive so why would you only allow yourself to grieve when you have the worst loss? Your feelings are valid regardless of what anyone else is experiencing.
She also pushes back hard on the idea that content creators are therapists. Setting boundaries matters whether you're streaming to thousands or just talking to friends. Before dumping your problems on someone ask if they have the capacity to hear it. Real friendship means respecting that sometimes the answer is no.
Victoria's advice for anyone struggling with loss right now is to find people who lift you up. Stop comparing your grief to others. Celebrate small wins even if that win is just getting out of bed. And remember that everything is temporary including pain.
Her story proves that you can stand in the darkness and still find your way to the light. Where you are right now doesn't have to be where you stay.